


I’d Rather Have an Oreo

by sg_wonderland



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:16:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4766342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg_wonderland/pseuds/sg_wonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel and Sam learn subversive tactics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’d Rather Have an Oreo

**Author's Note:**

> The title is completely inspired by a co-worker who sighed over an allegedly good-for-you pseudo-cookie.

“You’re telling me that we have to get permission for anything we take through the gate?” Daniel blinks at me incredulously.

“Yes. We can’t just take anything we want off-world.” He still appears perplexed by this.

“I don’t have to get permission to take my journal, do I?”

“No, Daniel,” I smile at his horrified expression. “Those are tools that are required for you to do your job.”

His eyes are now alight with what I can only describe as mischievous curiosity. “What if I need cookies to do my job?”

I press the elevator button. “Hey, if you can sell it to the Colonel, I’m right behind you.”

“Oreos?”

“M&M’s.”

“Regular?”

“Peanut.”

“Ahh.” He nods in total agreement.

*

Okay, it’s not like we’re not taking our job seriously, we are, we really are. But we both need a distraction. If Daniel doesn’t quit living on coffee and no sleep, we’re gonna find him piled up in a corner somewhere. So we’ve begun a somewhat unofficial challenge to see who could get the wackiest thing through the gate. With the colonel’s gracious permission, of course.

Daniel wouldn’t let me count the tampons; those, he argued, were a necessary part of my being female, as was the medicine for cramps. So I, in turn, had to deny him the Fifth Avenue bar, even though he swore it was the only reason Kasuf agreed to let him marry Sha’re. A good, quality chocolate, he told me airily, was better than a goat for a dowry.

I lost on the Clinique; it was seen as cosmetic at best. Daniel scored on sun block after our new CMO commented with poorly concealed concern about the freckles now gracing Daniel’s nose; I personally thought they were rather cute and made sure he knew it. Then he scored another point by getting the okay on outrageously expensive pens that allegedly would write at any angle and even underwater. I called a foul on that one because Daniel knew the colonel loved any kind of gadgetry and would approve the pens, especially since my sneaky teammate had requisitioned one for his commanding officer. I had to hand it to him, it was a master stroke. Get the pens approved and get the Air Force to pay for them? It was plain that I had badly underestimated my opponent. 

So he is up on points, but that won’t last long. I’ve taken on an accomplice and I’ll put Dr. Fraiser up against Dr. Jackson any day. As long as I can keep him from using the big blue eyes and the sweep of freckles to try to sway her to his side. He can be downright sneaky when he puts his mind to it.

I got the hair barrettes through, even though I don’t have enough hair to hold them in place. I’ve threatened to fasten Daniel’s hair out of his face with them; he didn’t find that in the least funny.

He’s pulling ahead, because he gave the colonel a personal CD player for his birthday and naturally got to take some of his own music through. I protested vehemently, arguing that I didn’t know either the colonel’s birthday or his taste in music. His answer was that I could have discovered his birth date by snooping on the computer and his taste in music by snooping in his truck. I shot back that it was illegal to access any one else’s computer records. He merely laughed and said then how did I find out his birthday since he’d never told me? He had me there.

We argued over the coffee, I insisted it was standard issue and shouldn’t be counted as an extra. While not conceding the point, I noticed that his idea of ‘standard issue’ coffee was not the stuff you buy at your average grocery store. And he got the colonel to okay it simply by pointing out how badly the colonel reacted to a morning without caffeine. I firmly believe the colonel only agreed because he knew how badly Daniel reacted to a morning without caffeine. 

Then I realized how truly evil he was when I overheard the colonel give Teal’c the okay to take some tabloid magazines through. They would, Teal’c stated, be a good way to exchange cultural benchmarks with other civilizations and could, in emergency, double as kindling or toilet paper. Seeing as how Teal’c’s pack was full, he requested permission to stow them in Daniel Jackson’s pack.

I knew whose idea that was.

His smirking suggestion that I retire from the field in defeat was met with a renewed determination to beat him at his own game.

Now if I can only convince the colonel that I really do need those boxes of Jell-O for a scientific study on the effects of alien gravity on Earth food preparation methods….


End file.
